Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life

FORGIVE TODAY!  Forgiveness is something that doesn't typically come easy for most people.  Its hard, its uncomfortable, but the Lord has taught us that this is something we must do.  "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said, "Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family … who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness.”

Our Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson has shared with us about forgiving our family members, "The spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest, so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.”

Faith In Family Life

Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

-The Family:  A Proclamation to the World-

The 4th Article of Faith teaches us that Faith is the first principle and ordinance of the gospel.

What is Faith?

The LDS Bible Dictionary teaches us that Faith is to hope for things that aren't seen, but that are true.  Faith is a principle of action and of power.

Studies have show that couples who regularly attend church drop their chances of divorce by nearly 35%!  It is interesting to find the link and correlation to faith and to relationships.  Having a foundation of faith not only helps you spiritually, but it also helps you in your relationships as well.  You are receiving spiritual guidance that you can use in your everyday life.

When we have faith in our life, many things become possible.  Sometimes the Lord wants to test our faith to see how we will respond.  I love this video of a family who used their faith and recognized it and how He was blessing their lives.  She also thanked our Heavenly Father for the miracle he showed this family.  She recognized she needed a better relationship with Heavenly Father and to pray constantly.

LDS Family Services

Our church has a wonderful program called LDS Family Services.  LDS Family Services "helps Church leaders care for individuals with social and emotional challenges by providing resources that are in harmony with gospel principles."

When consultation specialists are spoken to, they can offer assistance in the following areas: 

• Abuse (child, elder and domestic violence)
• Addiction Recovery Program, Overcoming Pornography (Addiction)
• Adoptive Parent Services
• Anxiety
• Community Resource Development
• Depression
• Marriage and family relationship issues
• Missionary Services
• Same-gender attraction (MormonsAndGays.org)
• Single expectant parent services
• Specialized Assessments
• Other social and emotional health challenges

LDS Family Services provides a 24/7 consultation service. This service includes telephone consultations and assessments for Church leaders to help with social and emotional issues, including crisis and emergency situations. Church leaders may also receive help to locate and use qualified community resources. (24-Hour Welfare Help Line).

There are over 50 LDS Family Services offices throughout several countries.

"Honor Thy Father"

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that the role of the fathers are:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness.”

Fathers have five principles: to preside, partner, to be present, provide and protect.

Preside:  Father's need to oversee what is going on.  They need to make sure that things are being taken care of and that things are okay.  That doesn't mean that life is perfect, but it does mean that the Father is aware of all that is going on.  It also means that he is the head person, who should be responsible for making sure the family is on track spiritually.  He should be the one making sure family prayers are offered and FHE is taken place.

Partner:  Fathers are in a partnership with their wives.  They work together to raise their family and to help make sure their children are taught gospel principles.  Parents need to have a good relationship by respecting, communicating and loving their wife, the mother of his children.

Present:  While the husband may be gone all day, it is important that fathers are present in their children's lives.  The kids need to know that their father loves them and is aware of their needs.  Fathers need to be there physically and emotionally to help their children and their wife.

Provide:  Father's are primarily responsible for providing both temporally for their children as well as spiritually.  The mother is the nurturer.  While each family circumstance is unique, there are times when this may not be the case.  However, Fathers are the head of the family and do need to do their best in making sure their family is provided for.

Protect:  A father is to protect his family.  A father must also make sure that his kids are protected and cared for.   He protects them growing up and its his duty to help make sure kids know right from wrong, so that they can be protected when they are older.  President Howard W. Hunter also counseled that fathers should lead so that his children “will know the gospel and be under the protection of the covenants and ordinances.”

(My Dad and I at my High School Graduation in 1999)

(My Dad visiting his AZ grandkids.  He is looking at my son, who was born with CDH.  My parents lost their oldest child, a son, to CDH.  My Dad has a special bond with my son.)

Mothers as Nurturers

In The Family:  A Proclamation to the World, we are told that, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

President Spencer W. Kimball said, "Mothers have a sacred role.  They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord's spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments" (Erickson, 2012, p. 131).

President Gordon B. Hinckley in the October 2003 General Conference said, "Now, my dear sisters...You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price."

"You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price."

Women are oftentimes very hard on themselves.  We often feel that we are inadequate and have much room for improvement.  Mothers are amazing women who do so much good, every minute of every day.  Many times they don't know their worth.

Elder Ballard has also taught in his address entitled, Daughters of God, April 2008:  “There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family…. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.”

(My Mom and I, back in 1981)

Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out?

No matter where we are or what we are reading, we are hearing about couples getting divorced.  It used to be somewhat infrequent, but it seems to becoming more prevalent in our world today.  It is sad, as I feel that most people just don't want to truly work on marriage as marriage is HARD.  When people have a hard time, they run away from their problems. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley has taught us that we must fight for our marriage.  We must work at it. 

In April 2007 General Conference, Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk on divorce.  He said, "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache."

I really loved this conference address by Elder Oaks.  You can tell of his love and the sincerity in his voice, about how concerned he is about divorce.  He also talks about people contemplating marriage.  He says, "In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection." 

Elder Oaks quotes President Spencer W. Kimball: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”

We must fight for our marriages.  However, we must also realize that it isn't great to live with abusive relationships.  People should seek out counsel from their religious leaders and do all they can to save their marriage.  Your marriage is between you and the Lord.  You must do all you can to make sure that the three of you are actively involved in all decisions.  The Lord knows all and he can truly direct us.

Having married someone who is divorced, it is never easy on anyone, especially the children.  I've been married to my husband for 10 years now, and he was married to his first wife for the same amount of time.  Hearing the things that happened in his first marriage, I think, "phew, we are safe".  However, marriage is something that each of us need to work on.  Kind of like your testimony.  Just because you shared your testimony once, doesn't mean that it grows, if anything it slowly dims.  Same with your marriage, you must work at it, continue to nurture it and have your love for your spouse grow.

(“Divorce“, Dallin H. Oaks, April, 2007).

Honoring Marital Vows With Complete Fidelity

In our text for our class, Successful Marriages and Families we read what President Spencer W. Kimball has said that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.  We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin.  We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our 'heart, might, mind and strength'.  We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways.  Indeed, our souse is the only other being besides God, whom we are commanded to love with all our heart.  We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto non else" (Gardner, 2012, p. 59).”

There are many types of infidelity, that don't necessarily even deal with adultery.  Infidelity comes in various forms.  Satan likes to use distraction and grey areas as a way to get people to head opposite of where they should be.

President Spencer W. Kimball has said that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.”

In our text for our class, Successful Marriages and Families we read that “We marry with the understanding that we will gives ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our “heart, might, mind, and strength,” (D&C 4:2). We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed our spouse is the only other being besides God whom we are commanded to love with all our heart” (pg. 59).

We also read that there are many types of infidelity and appear to be four general types of infidelity:  fantasy, visual, romantic and sexual.  “It is important to point out that it does not take two people for infidelity to occur.  Many times infidelity is committed within the mind or heart of a married individual with no other participating party” (p.60).

• Fantasy Infidelity
• Visual Infidelity/Pornography
• Romantic Infidelity
• Sexual Infidelity (Hawkins, 2012, pp. 60-62)

(The day my husband, my son and I were sealed in the Chicago Temple 2007)

Elder Holland talks about our fidelity in this short video.  We need to have complete fidelity within our marriage.