Sharing & Defending Family Proclamation Principles

Living in the world today, it may be hard to follow the teachings of our leaders.  I mean, when you look at the world and they are telling you to go a different direction and you may be one of the only ones you know who takes the other path, it can be discouraging and hard.  However, we have been promised time and time again, that we will be blessed if we obey and follow our church leaders.

I'm reminded of a song we sung in church, Do What Is Right.  The words that stand out from the 3 verses are:

Do what is right; let the consequence follow.

Do what is right; be faithful and fearless.

Blessings await you in doing what's right!

What is the right thing to do?  Allow those around us to just choose to listen to the louder voices and follow those that have lifestyles contrary to what we believe?  No, we must make sure we are doing what is right, no matter what the consequence.  We must be faithful and fearless.  If we do these things, as the song states, blessings WILL away us from doing what is right!

One thing I have learned is that its sometimes hard to stand up for what you believe in.  However, just as those around you are raising their voices and telling you their opinions, so must you.  With so much attack on the family, we must do this today!  Not later!  The sad thing is, there is so much grey area.  Things aren't so black and white anymore.  Things that used to be an obvious thing against what we believe are slowly starting to blend the two sides.  Satan is doing an excellent job of confusing us, or have us thinking what we are doing is okay.  Its not that what we are doing is bad, but chances are there are always better and best things we can be doing.

I have many friends of many backgrounds.  Posting these doctrines and principles can be hard for others to accept.  I choose to continue to follow them, as I feel I am a better person by following it.  I have seen the many blessings that have come to my life and others, as they follow the teachings.  Sometimes life gets busy and we forget to do some of the basic things we have been asked.  I am glad that the Proclamation reminds us of even simple things, like having wholesome family recreation activities.

President Boyd K. Packer referred to the Family Proclamation is an "inspired document".  He also called it "revelatory" and "scripturelike in is power.  The proclamation "contains timeless truths that will bless not only our lives but also the lives of those around us as we reach out, near and far, to share it" (Hawkins, 2012, p. 358).

In order to make sure we can defend it, we need to study the proclamation and make sure we understand it.  We then must memorize it.  It will become useful to have memorized it, as people challenge what we believe, if we have items memorized, those principles will come to remembrance. 

Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson, in our April 2015 General Conference, she listed 3 points she felt we should become very familiar with and to defend:

1.  Marriage between a man and a woman

2.  Elevating the diving roles of mothers and fathers.

3.  The sanctity of the home

Our leaders are inspired.  Our faith is one that we must do action as well.  We simply can't sit idly, waiting for others to defend it for us.  That isn't what is to happen.  We are all to do our part to defend this divine doctrine.

The Proclamation

More than any time in history, families and the idea of a family unit and roles within, are being attacked at every angle.  In 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley, addressed the world--every religion, every nation and every family.  Thought its been over 20 years since its been introduced, the words seem to hit home even more with the direction society is going with regards to family.

In our text, Successful Marriages and Families, M. Russell Ballard said about this worldwide proclamation that it was, "a clarion call to protect and strengthen families and a stern warning in a world where declining values and misplaced priorities threaten to destroy society by undermining its basic unit" (Newell, 2012, p. 313).

This divine proclamation makes sure, in simple truths, and that the core unit of a family is when a man and woman marry.  Through saving temple ordinances, we can be sealed to our spouse and children and have our marriage for eternity!  For eternity means, that it doesn't end at death.  We can be with our loved family members forever.

As we read the proclamation, study it, memorize sections we wish to focus on, apply the principles being taught, pray for guidance and listen to the spirit.  The spirit will whisper the truthfulness of it to us.  Our families will become stronger and closer as we apply these principles.

"The proclamation speaks to the hearts and minds of our neighbors, friends, and those who care about the strength of the family as it declares the sacredness of family life and calls upon us to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." (Newell, 2012, p. 317).

I'm grateful for this document.  I am glad that I can share these teachings with others and that I can be with my family forever.  Family is everything and I love that families are all part of the Creator's plan. 

Defending the Sanctity of Human Life

What is Life?

In our textbook, Successful Marriages and Families, we learn the answer to this question.

"Life.  The etymology of the Old English word for life includes meanings such as 'body' and 'person,' or that which 'remains' and 'continues'.  Life can be defined as a condition of sustained regenerative activity, enrgy, expression, or power that human beings and other animate creatures experience."  (Hallen, 2012, p. 291).

The miracle of life created, is probably the greatest gift God has given us.  It is the closest thing we have, to become like God himself.  Each person is a reminder that we are the great masterpiece that God is making.  We know from studying The Family:  A Proclamation to the World on the family this semester, that each person "is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a diving nature and destiny".  No where did it say only a certain race, or certain number of people.  It is says EACH PERSON.  That means everyone we come in contact with, those we don't, even people who may not make choices we would agree with.

This video gives good examples of biblical stories that Human Life is created in God's image.  We need to reach out to all those who are struggling and support those.  We can make a difference.

Now, onto a topic that many don't want to discuss.  Abortion.  Whether you are for or against it, it tends to be one of the more controversial topics including politics.  Whether a politician is Pro-Choice or Pro-Life.

Abortion:  "The English word abort comes from the Latin ab, which means 'off, away,' and the Latin or-ri, which means to 'arise, appear, come into being,'  To abort literally means to 'cut off the existence of someone' or to cause someone to disappear'.  Abortion can generally be defined as the natural or deliberate termination of the life of an unborn or partially born child" (Hallen, 2012, p. 292).

Our church leaders made a statement on Abortion in 1973, that still holds true today.  “The Church opposes abortion and counsels its members not to submit to or perform an abortion except in the rare cases where, in the opinion of competent medical counsel, the life or good health of the mother is seriously endangered or where the pregnancy was caused by rape and produces serious emotional trauma in the mother. Even then it should be done only after counseling with the local presiding priesthood authority and after receiving divine confirmation through prayer.”



Reference:

Hallen, C. L. (2012). Defending the Sanctity of Human Life. In Successful marriages and families

            Proclamation principles and research perspectives (p. 292). Provo, Utah: Brigham
           Young University.

Wholesome Family Recreation

When you think of Wholesome Family Recreation, what comes to mind?  When I first started studying this for my class I just assumed this was good activities you do with your family.  Whether it was a walk to the park, appropriate movie, vacation, etc.  The more I studied, the more I realized that there is more to it than just that!

Wholesome family activities/recreation should encompass things that are not only fun, but also activities that help your family in becoming a stronger family unit, allows your family to grow together and helps your children develop.

Many families use the excuse that life is too busy.  The family seems to be over-scheduled today with an influx of activities and appointments.  There are certainly valid reasons to sign kids up for sports and extra activities.  They can develop talents and skills, they probably wouldn't pick up.  However, what if we instead, spent time focusing on family activities that could also help and develop those talents as well?  Things that will help the family grow closer together, instead of running from one lesson to the next practice.

I look at my family and how vastly different our family is, from even 5 years ago.  There are times I have to tell the kids to put the tablets down and to do something else.  I have a couple kids who would rather sit inside all day, instead of going outside.  I was raised in Northern Chicago.  We played outside all day long.  We rarely watched daytime TV as there wasn't anything on that was fun.  It was usually daytime soap operas or court tv shows.  Now, children can watch anything at anytime.  They have no desire to go outside and do sports, but rather go and watch YouTube videos on people doing sports and tricks.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World:  "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

Elder Christofferson said in October 2010 General Conference, "wholesome recreation is the friend and steadying companion of work. Music, literature, art, dance, drama, athletics—all can provide entertainment to enrich one’s life and further consecrate it. At the same time, it hardly needs to be said that much of what passes for entertainment today is coarse, degrading, violent, mind-numbing, and time wasting. Ironically, it sometimes takes hard work to find wholesome leisure. When entertainment turns from virtue to vice, it becomes a destroyer of the consecrated life. “Wherefore, take heed … that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God” (Moroni 7:14).

In conclusion, I love what Elder Oaks teaches us about how we spend our time.  "Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information,” Elder Oaks says. “But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, ‘Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom’ (D&C 88:118).” Leisure time should be filled with the best activities rather than those that are merely good."

Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life

FORGIVE TODAY!  Forgiveness is something that doesn't typically come easy for most people.  Its hard, its uncomfortable, but the Lord has taught us that this is something we must do.  "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said, "Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family … who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness.”

Our Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson has shared with us about forgiving our family members, "The spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest, so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.”

Faith In Family Life

Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

-The Family:  A Proclamation to the World-

The 4th Article of Faith teaches us that Faith is the first principle and ordinance of the gospel.

What is Faith?

The LDS Bible Dictionary teaches us that Faith is to hope for things that aren't seen, but that are true.  Faith is a principle of action and of power.

Studies have show that couples who regularly attend church drop their chances of divorce by nearly 35%!  It is interesting to find the link and correlation to faith and to relationships.  Having a foundation of faith not only helps you spiritually, but it also helps you in your relationships as well.  You are receiving spiritual guidance that you can use in your everyday life.

When we have faith in our life, many things become possible.  Sometimes the Lord wants to test our faith to see how we will respond.  I love this video of a family who used their faith and recognized it and how He was blessing their lives.  She also thanked our Heavenly Father for the miracle he showed this family.  She recognized she needed a better relationship with Heavenly Father and to pray constantly.

LDS Family Services

Our church has a wonderful program called LDS Family Services.  LDS Family Services "helps Church leaders care for individuals with social and emotional challenges by providing resources that are in harmony with gospel principles."

When consultation specialists are spoken to, they can offer assistance in the following areas: 

• Abuse (child, elder and domestic violence)
• Addiction Recovery Program, Overcoming Pornography (Addiction)
• Adoptive Parent Services
• Anxiety
• Community Resource Development
• Depression
• Marriage and family relationship issues
• Missionary Services
• Same-gender attraction (MormonsAndGays.org)
• Single expectant parent services
• Specialized Assessments
• Other social and emotional health challenges

LDS Family Services provides a 24/7 consultation service. This service includes telephone consultations and assessments for Church leaders to help with social and emotional issues, including crisis and emergency situations. Church leaders may also receive help to locate and use qualified community resources. (24-Hour Welfare Help Line).

There are over 50 LDS Family Services offices throughout several countries.

"Honor Thy Father"

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that the role of the fathers are:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness.”

Fathers have five principles: to preside, partner, to be present, provide and protect.

Preside:  Father's need to oversee what is going on.  They need to make sure that things are being taken care of and that things are okay.  That doesn't mean that life is perfect, but it does mean that the Father is aware of all that is going on.  It also means that he is the head person, who should be responsible for making sure the family is on track spiritually.  He should be the one making sure family prayers are offered and FHE is taken place.

Partner:  Fathers are in a partnership with their wives.  They work together to raise their family and to help make sure their children are taught gospel principles.  Parents need to have a good relationship by respecting, communicating and loving their wife, the mother of his children.

Present:  While the husband may be gone all day, it is important that fathers are present in their children's lives.  The kids need to know that their father loves them and is aware of their needs.  Fathers need to be there physically and emotionally to help their children and their wife.

Provide:  Father's are primarily responsible for providing both temporally for their children as well as spiritually.  The mother is the nurturer.  While each family circumstance is unique, there are times when this may not be the case.  However, Fathers are the head of the family and do need to do their best in making sure their family is provided for.

Protect:  A father is to protect his family.  A father must also make sure that his kids are protected and cared for.   He protects them growing up and its his duty to help make sure kids know right from wrong, so that they can be protected when they are older.  President Howard W. Hunter also counseled that fathers should lead so that his children “will know the gospel and be under the protection of the covenants and ordinances.”

(My Dad and I at my High School Graduation in 1999)

(My Dad visiting his AZ grandkids.  He is looking at my son, who was born with CDH.  My parents lost their oldest child, a son, to CDH.  My Dad has a special bond with my son.)

Mothers as Nurturers

In The Family:  A Proclamation to the World, we are told that, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

President Spencer W. Kimball said, "Mothers have a sacred role.  They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord's spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments" (Erickson, 2012, p. 131).

President Gordon B. Hinckley in the October 2003 General Conference said, "Now, my dear sisters...You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price."

"You are doing the best you can, and that best results in good to yourself and to others. Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price."

Women are oftentimes very hard on themselves.  We often feel that we are inadequate and have much room for improvement.  Mothers are amazing women who do so much good, every minute of every day.  Many times they don't know their worth.

Elder Ballard has also taught in his address entitled, Daughters of God, April 2008:  “There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family…. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.”

(My Mom and I, back in 1981)

Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out?

No matter where we are or what we are reading, we are hearing about couples getting divorced.  It used to be somewhat infrequent, but it seems to becoming more prevalent in our world today.  It is sad, as I feel that most people just don't want to truly work on marriage as marriage is HARD.  When people have a hard time, they run away from their problems. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley has taught us that we must fight for our marriage.  We must work at it. 

In April 2007 General Conference, Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk on divorce.  He said, "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache."

I really loved this conference address by Elder Oaks.  You can tell of his love and the sincerity in his voice, about how concerned he is about divorce.  He also talks about people contemplating marriage.  He says, "In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection." 

Elder Oaks quotes President Spencer W. Kimball: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”

We must fight for our marriages.  However, we must also realize that it isn't great to live with abusive relationships.  People should seek out counsel from their religious leaders and do all they can to save their marriage.  Your marriage is between you and the Lord.  You must do all you can to make sure that the three of you are actively involved in all decisions.  The Lord knows all and he can truly direct us.

Having married someone who is divorced, it is never easy on anyone, especially the children.  I've been married to my husband for 10 years now, and he was married to his first wife for the same amount of time.  Hearing the things that happened in his first marriage, I think, "phew, we are safe".  However, marriage is something that each of us need to work on.  Kind of like your testimony.  Just because you shared your testimony once, doesn't mean that it grows, if anything it slowly dims.  Same with your marriage, you must work at it, continue to nurture it and have your love for your spouse grow.

(“Divorce“, Dallin H. Oaks, April, 2007).

Honoring Marital Vows With Complete Fidelity

In our text for our class, Successful Marriages and Families we read what President Spencer W. Kimball has said that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.  We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin.  We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our 'heart, might, mind and strength'.  We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways.  Indeed, our souse is the only other being besides God, whom we are commanded to love with all our heart.  We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto non else" (Gardner, 2012, p. 59).”

There are many types of infidelity, that don't necessarily even deal with adultery.  Infidelity comes in various forms.  Satan likes to use distraction and grey areas as a way to get people to head opposite of where they should be.

President Spencer W. Kimball has said that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.”

In our text for our class, Successful Marriages and Families we read that “We marry with the understanding that we will gives ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our “heart, might, mind, and strength,” (D&C 4:2). We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed our spouse is the only other being besides God whom we are commanded to love with all our heart” (pg. 59).

We also read that there are many types of infidelity and appear to be four general types of infidelity:  fantasy, visual, romantic and sexual.  “It is important to point out that it does not take two people for infidelity to occur.  Many times infidelity is committed within the mind or heart of a married individual with no other participating party” (p.60).

• Fantasy Infidelity
• Visual Infidelity/Pornography
• Romantic Infidelity
• Sexual Infidelity (Hawkins, 2012, pp. 60-62)

(The day my husband, my son and I were sealed in the Chicago Temple 2007)

Elder Holland talks about our fidelity in this short video.  We need to have complete fidelity within our marriage.

Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families

What is equality?  We learn in our text that it quite simply is, equal partnership but that each husband and wife are equal to each other (Hudson, 2012, pp. 38-40).

It is not shocking for most who know me, that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am 1 of 11 children, though 9 are currently living.  I married my husband and was later sealed in the LDS Chicago Temple.  Together we have 4 children, and when I married him he had 6 children.  We have a large family.  Our faith is an everyday part of who we are and what we do.

I am very active in many organizations and I’m constantly asked questions about the church and family.  Most recently, I am asked questions about topics which directly are addressed “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”.  In this inspired document, we learn that “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.  Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”  At this point, if one of our faith is reading it, they probably stop.  They tell me how these are sexist comments.  They miss perhaps the most important part where it continues, “In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

Why do those perhaps not of our faith struggle with this?  Perhaps they have a negative connotation that presiding perhaps means to rule.  That is not the case.  In this sacred document, preside means to be one who serve, protect and watch over. 

In our church, we always have one who presides over meetings.  Does this mean that this person is more important that a regular church parishioner?  No.  However, there must always be someone who presides, conducts the meeting.  This may not be the same person, however, if there is not one person “in charge” to oversee what is going on, chaos may arise.  Not much will be accomplished if everyone is doing whatever they want.  The person who presides tends to be someone who gathers information from others, one who can organize and assign the work of a meeting so that the meeting may be effective.  Just as a Principal presides over an entire school, she can delegate and have teachers preside over their classrooms.    The main point is, the person who presides is talking to those individuals and counseling with them.  They are working together. 

In marriages you have the man and woman, husband and wife, who work together.  They each support and life each other up.  They work together towards a common goal.  In our church we have a Bishop who presides over our ward.  However, there are many people that teach—both men and woman.  Same in a marriage.  Men and woman do not dominate each other, they work together.  We all work together.

In the Garden of Eden Adam was given Eve to be a helpmeet.  Eve is the mother of all living, as the scriptures teach us.  Elder Earl C. Tingey, of the Seventy says, “You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other.”